Mickery's Oscar Wrapup!

OK, I didn't actually watch the show....and I didn't see any movies nominated. And I have no interest to see any of them.


So I'm gonna use that headline to sucker you into another edition of Mickery Reads!


I was gonna read Adventures of the X-Men #9, another comic based off the animated series. But quite frankly, it was boring. A comic that features Mojo (Literally) in front of Storm. It's an X-Men BList villian spectacular with Mojo, Spiral (His bitch...Mojo loves the 6 arm action), the Vanisher, the Hellfire Club (Without the one member who anyone ever gave a damn about), Boliver Trask and the Sentinels (And they aren't even real Sentinels at that). Plus, there's Gambit, who counts because he was a villian, and he's lame. How the hell did a Cajun crad throwingpussy ever become a popular characterr? You can't even read half of what he says because writers use that "forced Cajun accent" writing style. So that's all you need to know about that. There's some plot stuff there, but do you honestly care? Does anybody actually read these for that matter?


So instead, I have Silver Surfer Remix #1, part of the Marvel Remix line (Marvel invented the remix). We begin with the Silver Surfer welcoming us to his comic. He tells us that Earth people are strange creatures (That's only because he's only met the people who read comics), all they do is argue and fight over petty things (Like God and the Iraq War and Britney's head...unimportant stuff like that). During his monologue, he gets a text message from Dr. Doom (I wonder what the rates are like in Latvia). For a ruthless villian, Doom's a pretty classy guy...you think he'd be on Silver Surfer's case for riding his board in the house. But he seems fine with it. Of course, the only reason Doom brought Surfer to his house was so he could steal the Power Cosmic (That old trick), so there's no reason for him to worry about scuff marks. He gives the Surfer a song and dance about caring and sympathizing with him and his needs (He'd make a good president) and then he shoves the Surfer into some power stealing vat (Yup. Perfect presidential material).


Surfer Doom (That was that Pixies album, right?) terrorizes the fleeing townfolk. Meanwhile, Silver Surfer is jailed and he's held at gunpoin by Doom's guards. Without the power cosmic, he feels barren (Surfer wants to have a baby). Surfer Doom breaks into the Fantastic Four's lab to taunt them (OK, now all that class is out the window......now I know how LaDanian Tomlinson feels) and Mr. Fantastic wonders what is happening to the real Surfer. Well we find out...he's melting. That's what happens when you don't properly store your Surfer. The Power Cosmic has given Doom amazing powers and has even restored his face. In turn, Surfer's skin has melted to reveal a nekkid mortal. Doom's guard freaks....it's not everyday you have a helpless bald nekkid man in your basement. Well I guess it is for some people. Surfer uses his ancient powers of hypnotism and martial arts to break out. He also finds a chick being held prisoner....which is the thing to do when you're nekkid.


And that's pretty much your issue right there. So I guess Surfer gets some and gets his powers back and the Fantastic Four fight MegaDoom and stuff blows up. I suppose I could get the next issues to find out but I really don't care. Besides, I like my idea better. It's so much nicer when I say it.