Let's face it: I know it, you know it, your creepy uncle knows it. The first time you saw those ads for the Wizard, you shit your pants. Mario was flying damn it!!!! Not just floating like the Princess in the second one, flying! That's all you needed to know! The game could've sucked ass, it didn't matter. The game could have been "Flying Racoon Mario and His Adventures in Loco Loco Land", a and it would've still sold a kajillion copies. Yet, it wasn't that. It was the aformentioned shit.
So why am I praising an almost 2 decade old game? Well, because it deserves it, you asshole!!!! Well, also because of what happened to me yesterday. My niece, playing Super Mario Advance whatever....uh...the one with 3 in it, was playing the game. Rather, I was playing it for her because she couldn't get past a stage and then while I was playing, she focused her attention elsewhere (An action that will surely condemn her to video game Hell). Sure, the polishing of the game SUCKS! Oooh, Mario talks! Bite me talking Mario! Unless you're Captain Lou and you're rapping, I don't want to hear what Mario has to say! There's some other little tweeks here and there, but of the ones I saw was the one that got me the most was the extra block under the first 1up in level 1-4, making it easier to get. That's just blasphomy right there. It's hard to get, leave it at that!
A few things I want to talk about:
If I was Al Gore, I wouldn't bother with the movie biz. I'd just show Mario being chased by this guy. Trust me. I'd have gotten my poin across. I have nightmares about this thing,.
Come to think of it, Mario 3 is a metaphor for global warming. Look at this shit! If we don't save our planet now, big ass fish are gonna rise up and eat us!!!!!!! I'm ashamed of my parents. It's their fault. Now I'm gonna get eaten by a big ass fish. Those little ones are no picnic either....of all the enemies to bring back, they chose those fuckers. OK, well they brought back pretty much all of them, but still.....
My niece poined out that although these are supposed to be boomerangs, they look like dirty socks that have just kind of dried out. That's much more threatening.
I was talking about the Water World. My least favorite world (Damn big ass global warming fish), and my niece thought I was talking about Butter World. Now that would be cool! We gotta get one of those rom hackers on that! Think about it....all slippery, Mario sinks in it. It could be like Deep Darkness in Earthbound, he could sink in it and the calories and cholestorol and whatever could lower his hit poins. You know, if Mario had hit poins. He could fight off walking pancakes! I expect a call from Nintendo anyday now.
1 comment:
I liked the water world! That's the one with the super secret extra special awesome mushroom houses on the islands that you have to ride a boat to. When I play the game with my cousin he always forgets about that crap and then is all sad when I steal all that stuff. HA! I give him those slot machine spade house things, though, because I suck at them and they suck.
Post a Comment