Me.
My niece has taken to calling me fat at every oppurtunity. And yesterday, indignity of indignities, when I went to get groceries in the back of a truck, the truck very audibally tipped. very funny.
Well, I'm not fat, thank you very much! I have a gut. I have love handles. But I'm not far. Certainly not to a poin where it's dangerous to me, and I'm not huffing and puffing every time I walk or lift up heavy objects (Like *ahem* my niece).
Could I stand to lose a few? Sure, we all could! But I sure as hell ain't going on a diet (The day I have to eat less will be a dark day and I weep for anyone who dares to be involved). And it's not like where I live is ideal for getting excersise regularly.
So anyhoo, I'm not fat. But if I were fat, this is what I would look like:
You know what the most pathetic thing about this pic is? Not how much in bad shape I'm in, not the cheap Simpsons knockoff tshirt, not even the purple pants. It's the fact that even without magnifying the pic, I can tell the card I'm holding is a 93 Score Select baseball. WHAT HAVE I DONE WITH MY LIFE????????
2 comments:
When you said,
"Well, I'm not fat, thank you very much! I have a gut. I have love handles. But I'm not far."
Did you mean "But I'm not fat"? I need to know. Thank you.
And I love your purple pants. You wouldn't like Mr Crackey when he's angry!
You, Mickthy, are a bastard Mitheyt.
Men naturally have good metabolism, so they lose weight much faster and with much more ease than women do. We have to bust our asses day in and day out to maybe lose a couple ounces a week and still get called fatasses if we're not size 0. Meanwhile, you asshole men could lose several pounds a week if you put any effort into it, but no, you're like, "It's just a little pudge around the middle. I'll just go with it. Losing weight is too much effort."
Bastards. You're all bastards. You're bastards when you lose weight, too. Bastards. Tork, too.
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